B > From: Usenet Oracle 
B > The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.

B > Your question was:
B > 
B > > Where could I get one of those 5000 ton weights that tends to drop on
B > > Looney Toons' heads?  Is there a company that will install them in the
B > > sky and drop them for you?  Do they take checks?  I really need to
B > > know, my sister-in-law is coming to my house in less than a week!
B > 
B > And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
B > 
B > } Anvils are made exclusively in the tiny European Principality of
B > } Anvillania. Anvillania (pop 3,400) is ruled by the much feared
B > } Triumverate of The Warners Three. Yakko is King. Wakko is the minister
B > } at arms. Dot's just cute! The official theme song of Anvillania is "Let
B > } the Anvil's Ring" .
B > }
B > }    LET THE ANVILS RING
B > }    (M: Richard Stone (Includes arrangements of traditional music
B > }    and P. D. music by Richard Sanderson);  L: Peter Hastings)
B > }
B > }    "Let us introduce ourselves, O people of this land
B > }    We are the Warner Brothers
B > }    With sister close at hand
B > }    I bet you all are wondering, who is this young unknown?
B > }    And why am I inheriting the Anvilanian throne?
B > }    Yes, why?
B > }    Yes, why?
B > }    Oh, please, please tell us why
B > }
B > }    The bottom of the family tree starts with Yakko, that is me
B > }    I'm the cousin to the sister of the son's niece's brother
B > }    Of the uncle's daughter's father of the nephew's sister's mother
B > }    And my grandpa's only cousin was the king's daugh-ter's sib-ling
B > }    But they're all gone, and that is why I am now your king!
B > }
B > }    He is now our king!
B > }    Yes! I am now your king!  Repeat what I just said!
B > }    Repeat what I just said!
B > }    And let the anvils ring!
B > }
B > }    Old King Yakko's mania was for Anvilania
B > }    So good citizens I pledge to you I'll do the best that I can do
B > }    For honor, country, and the king, let the anvils ring!
B > }    Let the anvils ring!"
B > }
B > } Anvils are the only major industry. The state food is sitting in the
B > } fridge. The state bird has been censored and the state motto is "Hello
B > } Nurse!"
B > }
B > } The Anivillanian FDA POLO (Federal Department of Anvils, Pianos and
B > } Other Large Objects) has adopted the following guidelines on Anvil use.
B > }
B > } 1) Non-comic use of anvils is stricly prohibited in accordance with the
B > } Geneva conventions (24-63g)
B > } 2) Victims must be given proper notice before having anvils dropped on
B > } them - that they may a) look up b) look to the camera c) utter some
B > } comment of impending doom.
B > } 3) The victim must be allowed to raise the anvil that has dropped on
B > } his head long enough to say something inappropriately witty. This is a
B > } good time for a second anvil gag.
B > } 4) The dropping of anvils on women and children is strictly prohibited,
B > } in accordance with the Warner Conventions (6-78y)
B > } 5) Why for you drop big black anvil on my head?
B > }
B > } As of 1959, Anvillania is working under an exclusive shipping and
B > } distribution agreement with the ACME Corporation. ACME has been a
B > } leader in gadgetry since the early fifties, when their "Micro-magnet"
B > } sold 120,000 units and made ACME the most profitable cartoon
B > } conglomerate in the United States. For a current catalog, send $4.00 to
B > }
B > } ACME Catalog
B > } P.O. Box 666
B > } Death Valley, Calif
B > } 90210
B > }
B > } or, for an illustrated web catalog, visit
B > } http://www.acme.com/gadgets/anvils
B > }
B > } (Allow 4 days for delivery - and look out ... here it comes!)
B > }
B > } Some notices apply:
B > } 1) There have been several recalls concerning ACME products in the last
B > } 20 years. The speed control on the ACME Rocket Skates does not function
B > } properly. Deaths have occured as the result of slamming into the sides
B > } of mountains. The recoil on the ACME Super Springs is not properly
B > } calibrated. Deaths have occured as the result of slamming into the
B > } sides of mountains. Materials used in the making of the ACME Human
B > } Slingshot have proven to be defective. Detahs have occured as the
B > } result of slamming into the sides of mountains. The motor on the ACME
B > } Bat-Coptor has fuel blockage problems. Deaths have occured as the
B > } result of severe falls. The markings on the ACME Catapult have not been
B > } properly calibrated. Deaths have occured as the result of falling
B > } boulders. The ACME Pest Control Robot has flipped its wig. Run for
B > } cover!!!!!
B > } 2) ACME will not be held responsible for any loss of wages, limbs or
B > } lives resulting from the use or misuse of ACME products.
B > } 3) All products come with a 3 day guarantee. Simply return the gadget,
B > } in its original box, to the adress listed above for a total refund.
B > } 4) So if you want to be a cartoon villain bring your Visa Card, 'cause
B > } at ACME Gadgets, they won't take your complaints, and they won't take
B > } American Express.
B > }
B > } You owe the Oracle an ACME super mini-magnet.
B >