These are the collected writings of the Simpsons from the 
     chalkboard exercises that Bart writes during the opening credits.
     
     >>               I will not carve gods. 
     >>               I will not spank others.
     >>               I will not aim for the head.
     >>               I will not barf unless I'm sick
     >>               I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty. 
     >>               I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge. 
     >>               I will not conduct my own fire drills.
     >>               Funny noises are not funny. 
     >>               I will not snap bras.
     >>               I will not fake seizures.
     >>               This punishment is not boring and pointless. 
     >>               My name is not Dr. Death.
     >>               I will not defame New Orleans. 
     >>               I will not prescribe medication. 
     >>               I will not bury the new kid.
     >>               I will not teach others to fly. 
     >>               I will not bring sheep to class. 
     >>               A burp is not an answer.
     >>               Teacher is not a leper. 
     >>               Coffee is not for kids.
     >>               I will not eat things for money.
     >>               I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call. 
     >>               The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee. 
     >>               I will not call the principal "spud head". 
     >>               Goldfish don't bounce.
     >>               Mud is not one of the 4 food groups. 
     >>               No one is interested in my underpants. 
     >>               I will not sell miracle cures.
     >>               I will return the seeing-eye dog. 
     >>               I do not have diplomatic immunity.
     >>               I will not charge admission to the bathroom. 
     >>               I will never win an emmy.
     >>               The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
     >>               All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
     >>               I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause. 
     >>               I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers. 
     >>               My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
     >>               I will not go near the kindergarten turtle. 
     >>               I am not deliciously saucy.
     >>               Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
     >>               The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail      
                      Satan". 
     >>               I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
     >>               There are plenty of businesses like show business. 
     >>               Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
     >>               I will not waste chalk.
     >>               I will not skateboard in the halls. 
     >>               I will not instigate revolution.
     >>               I will not draw naked ladies in class. 
     >>               I did not see Elvis.
     >>               I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes". 
     >>               Garlic gum is not funny.
     >>               They are laughing at me, not with me.
     >>               I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom. 
     >>               I will not encourage others to fly.
     >>               I will not fake my way through life. 
     >>               Tar is not a plaything.
     >>               I will not Xerox my butt. 
     >>               It's potato, not potatoe.
     >>               I will not trade pants with others. 
     >>               I am not a 32 year old woman.
     >>               I will not do that thing with my tongue. 
     >>               I will not drive the principal's car.
     >>               I will not pledge allegiance to Bart. 
     >>               I will not sell school property.
     >>               I will not burp in class. 
     >>               I will not cut corners.
     >>               I will not get very far with this attitude. 
     >>               I will not belch the National Anthem.
     >>               I will not sell land in Florida. 
     >>               I will not grease the monkey bars.
     >>               I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment. 
     >>               I will not do anything bad ever again.
     >>               I will not show off.
     >>               I will not sleep through my education. 
     >>               I am not a dentist.
     >>               Spitwads are not free speech. 
     >>               Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
     >>               High explosives and school don't mix. 
     >>               I will not bribe Principal Skinner. 
     >>               I will not squeak chalk.
     >>               I will finish what I sta
     >>               "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
     >>               Underwear should be worn on the inside. 
     >>               The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
     >>               I will not torment the emotionally frail.
     
And my personal favorite from the X-Files episode...

			The truth is not out there