moses' note:  I make no claims one way or the other on this piece - I 
merely found it interesting.
---

  I Recently Purchased this Short Pamphlet
      that
          Every Single Person should Read.

      It is Hilarious,
        &
         Apalling...

  Should One Read what Follows In Its Entirety,
        &
         _Still_ Remain Christian,
                U R a Terrifying Idiot,
                            & R 2 B Feared.

                                   <--oOo-->

                       "The Heretics Guide to the Bible"

                               Chaz Bufe, Editor

  All passages cited in this pamphlet are taken from the King James version
  of the Bible, with the sole exception of Romans 3:7-8 (as clearly noted ),
  which is taken from the Revised Standard Edition. The wording of this
  passage in the King James version is so muddled as to be nearly incompre-
  hensible.

  First published in 1987, and republished in 1992, by See Sharp Press, P.O.
  Box 426118, San Francisco, CA 94142. This material is not copyrighted.
  Please feel free to reproduce any portion, or all, of it. But please give
  credit where credit is due.

                                   <--oOo-->

                                     _Sex_

    It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

                                                          -I Corinthians 7:1

    For there are some eunuchs which were so born from their mother's womb;
  and there are some eunuchs which were made eunuchs of men; and there be eu-
  nuchs which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake.
  He that is able to recieve it, let him recieve it.

                                                Matthew 19:12 (J.C. speaking)

    Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from
  fleshly lusts, which war against the soul.

                                                                 -I Peter 2:1

    For I would that all men were even as myself...I say therefore to the
  unmarried and widows. It is good for them if they abide even as I. but if
  they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

                                                         -I Corinthians 7:7-9

    Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death.

                                                                -Exodus 22:19

    And the man that committeth adultry with another man's wife, even he that
  committeth adultery with his neighbor's wife, the adulterer and the adulter-
  ess shall surely be put to death.

                                                             -Leviticus 20:10

    If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them
  have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their
  blood shall be upon them.

                                                             -Leviticus 20:13

    And if a man lieth with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye
  shall slay the beast.

                                                             -Leviticus 20:15

    If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they
  shall both of them die...

                                                           -Deuteronomy 22:22

    Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery,
  fornication, uncleanliness, lasciviousness.

                                                              -Galations 5:19

    And whosoever lieth carnally with a woman, that is a bondmaid...she shall
  be scourged...And he shall bring his trespass offering unto the Lord...

                                                          -Leviticus 19:20-21

    Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother concieve me.

                                                                 -Psalms 51:5

    If any man take a wife...and say, I took this woman, and when I came to
  her, I found her not a maid...if this thing be true...Then they shall bring
  out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of the city
  shall stone her with stones that she die.

                                                        -Deuteronomy 22:13-21

    And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the
  whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire [to death].

                                                              -Leviticus 21:9

    For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life
  and peace.

                                                                  -Romans 8:6

                                   <--oOo-->

                                    _Women_

    Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.For the
  husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church...

                                                           -Ephesians 5:22-23

    Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

                                                             -Colossians 3:18

    Likewise ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving hon-
  our unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel...

                                                                 -I Peter 3:7

    But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the
  head of the woman is the man...

                                                          -I Corinthians 11:3

    Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

                                                          -I Corinthians 11:9

    Now that she is a widow indeed, and desolate, trusteth in God, and cont-
  inueth supplecations and prayers night and day. But she that liveth in
  pleasure is dead while she liveth.

                                                             -I Timothy 5:5-6

    Unto the woman He [God] said, "I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy
  conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall
  be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

                                                                -Genesis 3:16

    How then can man be justified with God? or how can he be clean that is 
  born of a woman?

                                                                    -Job 25:4

    These [redeemed] are they which were not defiled with women...

                                                             -Revelation 14:4

    But if thou has gone aside to another instead of thy husband, and if thou
  be defiled, and some man have lain with thee beside thine husband:
    Then the priest shall charge the woman with an oath of cursing, and the
  priest shall say unto the woman, The LORD make thee a curse and an oath
  among thy thy people, when the LORD doth make thy thigh [a euphemism for
  genitalia] to rot and thy belly to swell;
    And this water that causeth the curse shall go into thy bowels, to make
  thy belly to swell, and thy thigh to rot: and the woman shall say Amen,
  amen.

                                                             -Numbers 5:20-22

    If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be
  unclean seven days...but if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean
  two weeks...

                                                            -Leviticus 12:2-5

    Let your women keep silence in churches: for it is not permitted unto them
  to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the
  law.

                                                         -I Corinthians 14:34

    Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a
  woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

                                                           -I Timothy 2:11-12

    And every garment and every skin, whereon is the seed of copulation, shall
  be washed with water, and be unclean until the even. The woman also with 
  whom man shall lie with the seed of copulation, they shall both bathe them-
  selves in water, and be unclean until the even. And if a woman have an is-
  sue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall put apart seven days:
  and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even. And whosoever
  toucheth any thing that she sat upon shall wash his clothes, and bathe him-
  self in water, and be unclean until the even. And if any man lieth with her
  at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall be unclean seven days; and all
  the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean...This is the law of him that hath
  an issue, and of him whose seed goeth from him, and is defiled therewith;
  And of her that is sick of her flowers, and of him that hath an issue, of
  the man, and of the woman, and of him that lieth with her that is unclean.

                                                   -Leviticus 15:17-24, 32-33

                                   <--oOo-->

                            _Slavery & Submission_

    Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power
  but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore
  resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist
  shall receive to themselves damnation.

                                                               -Romans 13:1-2

    Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not
  with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but with singleness of heart, fearing God.

                                                             -Colossians 3:22

    Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the
  flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ.

                                                               -Ephesians 6:5

    Exhort servants to be obedient unto their own masters, and to please them
  well in all things; not answering again; not purloining, but shewing good
  fidelity; that they may adorn the doctrine of God our Saviour in all things.

                                                                -Titus 2:9-10

    And if a man smite his servant, or his maid with a rod, and he die under
  his hand; he shall surely be punished. Notwithstanding, if he continue a
  day or two, he shall not be punished; for he is his money.

                                                             -Exodus 21:20-21

    If thou buy an Hebrew servant six years he shall serve; and in the seventh
  he shall go out free for nothing. If he came in by himself, he shall go out
  by himself: if he were married, then his wife shall go out with him. If his
  master has given him a wife, and she have born him sons or daughters; the
  wife and her children shall be her master's and he shall go out by himself.
  And if the servant shall plainly say, I love my master, my wife and my
  children; I will not go out free: Then his master shall bring him to the
  door, or unto the door post; and his master shall bore his ear through with
  an aul; and he shall serve him for ever.

                                                                Exodus 21:2-6

    Both thy bondsman, and thy bondsmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of
  the heathen that are round you: of them shall ye buy bondsman and bonds-
  maids. Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you,
  of them shall ye buy, and of their families that are with you, which they
  begat in your land: and they shall be your possession.
    And ye shall take them as an inheritance for your children after you, to
  inherit them for a possession.

                                                          -Leviticus 25:44-46

    Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether
  it be to the king, as supreme: or unto the governors.

                                                             -I Peter 2:13-14

    Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good
  and gentle, but also to the froward.

                                                                -I Peter 2:18

    Let as many servants as are under the yoke count their own masters worthy
  of all honour, that the name of God and his doctrine be not blasphemed.

                                                               -I Timothy 6:1

                                   <--oOo-->

                            _The End of the World_

                           (An Unfulfilled Prophecy)

    And there shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars...
  Men's hearts failing them for fear...And then shall they see the Son of man
  coming in a cloud...This generation shall not pass till all be fulfilled.

                                                               -Luke 21:25-32

    But the end of all things is at hand...

                                                                 -I Peter 4:7

    Little children, it is the last time: and as ye have heard that antichrist
  shall come, even now there are many antichrists; whereby we know that it is
  the last time.

                                                                 -I John 2:18

    Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened,
  and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven
  ... And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven, then shall
  all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming
  in the clouds of heaven...This generation shall not pass, till all these 
  things be fulfilled.

                                                            -Matthew 24:29-34

    And he [J.C.] said unto them, Verily I say unto you, That there be some
  of them that stand here, which shall not taste of death, till they have seen
  the kingdom of God come with power.

                                                                    -Mark 9:1

    For the Son of man shall come in the glory of his Father with his angels;
  and then he shall reward every man according to his works. Verily I say unto
  you, there be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they
  see the Son of man coming in his kingdom.

                                                            -Matthew 16:27-28

    But I tell you as a truth, there be some standing here, which shall not
  taste of death, till they see the kingdom of God.

                                                                   -Luke 9:27

    ...the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light...And the
  stars of heaven shall fall...and then shall they see the Son of man coming
  in the clouds...And then shall he send his angels and shall gather together
  his elect from the four winds, from the uttermost part of the earth...Ver-
  ily I say unto you, that this generation shall not pass, till all these
  things be done.   

                                                           -Mark 13:24-27, 30

                                   <--oOo-->

                           _Atrocities & Absurdities_

    And when the Lord thy God hath delivered it unto thine hands, thou shalt
  smite every male therof with the edge of the sword: but the women, and the
  little ones, and the cattle, and all that is in the city, even the spoil
  therof, shalt thou take unto thyself and thou shalt eat the spoil of thine
  enemies, which the Lord thy God hath given thee.

                                                        -Deuteronomy 20:13-14

    For my love they are my adversaries: but I give myself to prayer...When
  he shall be judged, let him be condemned...Let his days be few...Let his
  children be fatherless, and his wife a widow. Let his children be continual-
  ly vagabonds, and beg...Let the extortioner catch all that he hath; and let
  the strangers spoil his labour.  Let there be none to extend mercy unto him;
  neither let there be any to favour his fatherless children. Let his poster-
  ity be cut off; and in the generation following let their name be blotted 
  out.

                                                          -Psalms 109:4, 7-13

    If any man will come after me [J.C.], let him deny himself, and take up
  his cross and follow me.

                                                               -Matthew 16:24

    And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter
  into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that
  never shall be quenched: where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not
  quenched.

                                                                -Mark 9:43-44

    For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft...

                                                              -I Samuel 15:23

    ...I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.

                                                                    -Job 42:6

    And these signs shall follow them that believe: in my name shall they cast
  out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents,
  and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay
  hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
  
                                                               -Mark 16:17-18

    Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his
  cross...

                                                   -Mark 8:34 (J.C. speaking)

    For ye, bretheren, became followers of the churches of God which in Judea
  are in Christ Jesus: for ye also have suffered like things of your own coun-
  trymen, even as they have of the Jews: who both killed the Lord Jesus, and
  and have persecuted us; and they please not God, and are contrary to all
  men.

                                                     -I Thessalonians 2:14-15

    But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them,
  bring hither, and slay them before me.

                                                 -Luke 19:27  (J.C. speaking)

    He that believeth and is baptised shall be saved; but he that believeth
  shall not be damned. And these signs shall follow them that believe: In my
  name shall they cast out devils;  they shall speak with new tongues; They
  shall take up serpents;  and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not
  hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
  
                                                               -Mark 16:16-18

    Many of them which used curious arts brought their books together and
  burned them...So mightily grew the word of God and prevailed.

                                                               -Acts 19:19-20

    ...if through my falsehood God's truthfulness abounds to his glory, why
  am I still being condemned as a sinner? And why not do evil that good may
  come?-as some people slanderously charge us with saying. Their condemnat-
  ion is just.

                                     -Romans 3:7-8 (Revised Standard Edition)

    For everyone that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to
  death.

                                                              -Leviticus 20:9

    And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to
  death.

                                                             -Leviticus 24:16

    Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.

                                                                -Exodus 22:18

    Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces.

                                                                 -Malachi 2:3

    And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung
  that cometh out of man...

                                                                -Ezekiel 4:12

    Lo, I have given thee cow's dung for man's dung and thou shalt prepare thy
  bread therewith.

                                                                -Ezekiel 4:15

    Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman
  that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have
  not known man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.

                                                            -Numbers 31:17-18

    ...Hath he not sent me to the men that sit upon the wall, that they may
  eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?

                                                                -Isaiah 36:12

    Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the
  stones.

                                                                -Psalms 137:9

    Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast
  them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed,
  rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.
    And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is
  better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes
  to be cast into hell fire.

                                                              -Matthew 18:8-9

    For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? Do not even the
  publicans do the same?

                                                                -Matthew 5:46

    He that spareth the rod hateth his son.

                                                              -Proverbs 13:24

    And Moses said, thus saith the LORD, About midnight will I go out into the
  midst of Egypt: And all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die...even
  unto the firstborn of the maidservant...and all the firstborn of beasts.

                                                               -Exodus 11:4-5

    Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the
  rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver
  his soul from hell.

                                                           -Proverbs 23:13-14

    If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice
  of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chasten-
  ed him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay
  hold on him...And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son
  is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and
  a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he
  die.

                                                        -Deuteronomy 21:18-21

    He that is wounded in the stones [testicles], or hath his privy member
  [penis] cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

                                                            -Deuteronomy 23:1

                                   <--oOo-->

                               _Contradictions_

    I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.

                                                               -Genesis 32:30

    No man hath seen God at any time.

                                                                   -John 1:18

    And I [god] will take away mine hand, and thou shalt se my back parts;
  but my face shall not be seen.

                                                                -Exodus 33:23

                                   <--oOo-->

    Honour thy father and thy mother.

                                                                -Exodus 20:12

    If any man come to me, and hate not his father and mother, and wife, and
  children, and bretheren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot
  be my disciple.

                                                  -Luke 14:26 (J.C. speaking)

                                   <--oOo-->

    ...thou shalt give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for
  hand, foot for foot, burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for
  stripe.

                                                             -Exodus 21:23-25

    ...resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek,
  turn to him the other also.

                                                                -Matthew 5:39

                                   <--oOo-->

    The son shall not bear the iniquity if the father.

                                                               -Ezekiel 18:20

    ...I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fath-
  ers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation...

                                                                 -Exodus 20:5

                                   <--oOo-->

    ...God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man.

                                                                  -James 1:13

    And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham.

                                                                -Genesis 22:1

                                   <--oOo-->

    ...for I am merciful, saith the Lord, and I will not keep anger forever.

                                                               -Jeremiah 3:12

    Ye have kindled a fire in mine [god's] anger, which shall burn forever.

                                                               -Jeremiah 17:4

                                   <--oOo-->

    Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon the earth...

                                                                -Matthew 6:19

    In the house of the righteous is much treasure...

                                                               -Proverbs 15:6

                                   <--oOo-->

    I am the one that bear witness of myself.

                                                   -John 8:18 (J.C. speaking)

    If I bear witness of myself, my witness is not true.

                                                   -John 5:31 (J.C. speaking)

                                   <--oOo-->

    A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children's children.

                                                              -Proverbs 13:22

    Sell that ye have and give alms.

                                                                  -Luke 12:33

                                   <--oOo-->

    Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understand-
  ing.

                                                               -Proverbs 3:13

    For in much wisdom is much grief; and he that increaseth knowledge in-
  creaseth sorrow.

                                                           -Ecclesiastes 1:18

                                   <--oOo-->

    ...the earth abideth forever.

                                                            -Ecclesiastes 1:4

    ...the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also, and the
  works therein shall be burned up.

                                                               -II Peter 3:10

                                   <--oOo-->

    Think not that I [J.C.] am come to send peace on earth: I came not to
  send peace, but a sword.

                                                               -Matthew 10:34

    ...all they that ake the sword shall perish with the sword.

                                                               -Matthew 26:52

                                   <--oOo-->

    And no man hath ascended up to heaven...even the Son of man which is in
  heaven.

                                                                   -John 3:13

    ...and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven.

                                                               -II Kings 2:11

                                   <--oOo-->

    Blessed is the man who feareth the Lord...Wealth and riches shall be in
  his house...

                                                              -Psalms 112:1-3

    It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a
  rich man to enter the kingdom of God.

                                                               -Matthew 19:24

                                   <--oOo-->

    I and my father are one.

                                                  -John 10:30 (J.C. speaking)

    I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I.

                                                  -John 14:28 (J.C. speaking)

                                   <--oOo-->

    ...the hour is coming, in which all that are in the graves shall hear his
  voice, and shall come forth.

                                                                -John 5:28-29

    As the cloud is consumed and vanisheth away: so he that goeth down to the
  grave shall come up no more.

                                                                     -Job 7:9

                                   <--oOo-->

                              _J.C. on the Bible_

    Think not that I am come to destroy the law or the prophets: I am not
  come to destroy, but to fulfill...Till heaven and earth shall pass, one jot
  or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law.

                                                             -Matthew 5:17-18

                                   <--oOo-->

                            _Wiser Men on the Bible_

    If you take the cruel passages, the verses that inculcate eternal hatred,
  verses that writhe and hiss like serpents, you can make a creed that would
  shock the heart of a hyena.
    It may be that no book contains better passages than the New Testament,
  but certainly no book contains worse.
    Below the blossom of love you find the thorn of hatred; on the lips that
  kiss, you find the poison of the cobra.
    The Bible is not a moral guide.

    -Robert Ingersoll,
          'What Would You Substitute for the Bible as a Moral Guide?'

    Historical investigations have revealed to us the origin and growth of
  the Bible. We know that by this name we designate a collection of writings
  as radically unlike in origin, character and contents, as if the Nibelungen
  Lied, Mirabeau's Speeches, Heine's Love Poems and a manual of zoology had
  been printed and mixed up promiscuously, and then bound into one volume.
    We find collected in this book the superstitious beliefs of the ancient
  inhabitants of Palestine, with distinct echoes of Indian and Persian fables,
  mistaken imitations of Egyptian theories, and customs, historical chronicles
  as dry as they are unreliable, and miscellaneous poems, amatory, human and
  Jewish-national, which are rarely distinguished by beauties of the highest
  order, but frequently by superfluity of expression, coarseness, bad taste,
  and genuine Oriental sensuality.
    As a literary monument the Bible is of much later origin than the Vedas;
  as a work of literary value, it is surpassed by everything written in the
  last two thousand years by authors even in the second rank, and to compare
  it seriously with the productions of Homer, Sophocles, Dante, Shakespeare,
  or Goethe would require a fanaticized mind that had entirely lost its power
  of judgment. Its conception of the universe is childish, and its morality
  revolting, as revealed in the malicious vengeance attributed to God in the
  Old Testament and in the New.

             -Max Nordau, 'Conventional Lies of Our Civilization'

    The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean. I
  know this by my own experience, and to this day I cherish an unappeasable
  bitterness against the unfaithful guardians of my young life, who not only
  permitted but compelled me to read an unexpurgated Bible through before I
  was fifteen years old. None can do that and ever draw a clean, sweet breath
  again this side of the grave.

                                                                  -Mark Twain

----------------------------<>----------oOo>
    Indeed, This Face                              A.Dominy-Cusraque
       has been Burned by Tears                        Praefectus
          My Lace is Tattered, & I Am On Fire...   Cusraque@tiac.net
   ---------------oOo>