Subject: Dear Uncle Brett (was: Dear Tamsin) 
From: doktor@crypt.demon.co.uk (Doktor Joy's Parents)
Newsgroups: uk.people.gothic, alt.gothic, aus.culture.gothic

On Mon, 06 Jan 1997 18:28:39 +0100, brett@gothic1.demon.co.uk (brett carr)
did say:

>     And no this does not mean I'm starting up an Advice Column!!
>                Although that could be fun(Wanders off thinking :))

Dear Uncle Brett,

I think this advice column idea is really good because we know lots of
people need somebody to talk to and share their problems with. When we
were kids you used to see this kind of thing everywhere, especially Agony
Aunt columns, and we're really glad that the youngsters of today have
found a good use for the Internet in spite of all the naughty things its
used for... 

Our problem has been troubling us for almost 9 years now, and we are at a
loss. 

You see, our number 1 son is a bit of a goth. Of course, the first day we
saw him wearing black skin-tight jeans and leather, we had a good family
laugh around the Sunday dinner table; we didn't understand back then that
to be a goth you had to do this everyday, which is bloody ridiculous if
you want our opinion. Why can't he just be a goth on Friday Night down the
pub, and wear proper clothes the rest of the time? 

Anyway, then he dyed the bathroom black. He was trying to change the
colour of his hair!!! Well he'd been conned big time, and we think it's
awful that all these well-meaning kids should pay out their hard-earned
money for 'Directions Temporary Black' dye, only to find it dyes
*permanently* everything it comes into contact with, except for hair,
which is doesn't dye at all. SOMeone's obviously seen these goths coming
and is ripping them off.

Just the other day he bought a new pair of boots! His mother tried to tell
him there was nothing wrong with the other 8 pairs he has, but he was
having none of it. If he hadn't bought all those boots, he'd have finished
his kit car by now; and that's another thing. He's working so hard, poor
little thing, to build that car, and when he's finished he's going to
waste all his effort by painting it *black*! Can you believe it? It shows
such a lack of originality. He's been wearing black for nine years, and
it's getting quite boring for us now, so bad that we get excited just to
see him put *blue* nail varnish on. We tried to tell him that Black isn't
a colour, it's just a shade, but he's not interested in that. We think
that the car would look much better if it were well thought out with a
bright yellow coat and a beige interior, just like every other sports car;
I mean black with electro-plate blue, who's going to buy that off him when
he comes to sell it, because, it's a stupid car really, he's going to get
bored of it after a year, and we've told him that several times but he
thinks he's actually going to drive it around! There's not even space in
the luggage compartment for his make-up bag, let alone a decent suitcase
and all. (Mind you, both of us can't wait to have a go in it). 

And that's another thing. He wears make-up! His father (typing this)
thinks he looks a RIGHT FUCKING POOFTA (and I tell him this quite often),
and is very glad that the two younger brothers drink beer all week and
wear lumberjack shirts, as it brings a feeling of normality and common
sense into the house. They know where to go for a proper haircut too!
(Just down to the barbers on the corner, 3 quid for full 'Gents' styling,
a bargain! He even sprays a coating of that 'Tap-o-leen' stuff onto your
head when he's done).  What's worse, he actually hangs out and talks to
GAY people, who ought to be locked up (He brought a beautiful girl round
once, and she was GAY! Imagine how upset we were, it's such a shame). If
it weren't for the fact that we caught him in the kitchen with a female
and very little else we'd be very worried. He looks like a WOMAN half the
time! What is he like? Does he want to spend all of his life doing the
ironing and cooking meals, or what? 

And that female, well, she didn't look like the decent type. All flesh and
no brains, no doubt. Didn't look like she could cook a meal or darn his
socks for him. We're so concerned that he's letting himself down. He could
find such a nice girl to look after him. His brothers talk to loads of
them down the pub every Friday. Instead, we're worried he's going to fall
for a no-gooder who hangs out in those old clubs and weird places he goes.
All those people, they can't be up to any good can they? Dressing like
that. They catch the eye and stand-out, they're obviously asking for
trouble, and none of them can have an education or decent jobs: he tells
us that they do have degrees and all that when he introduces his friends,
but who would give them a job looking like that? The place he works for
can't have any standards to let him turn up looking the way he does. And
we have to be nice to his friends. They come here and stay the night after
parties (no doubt where there's been lots of drugs. You know what those
weird types get up to. Our other two boys are decent middle-class young
men, and wouldn't take any drugs at parties at all, we're sure of that.
It's good to see them stagger in after a Friday down the pub and vomit
down the kitchen sink, good old sensible Tetleys best), and they all look
a rotten bunch. To be honest, we think we're lucky none of them have
nicked the TV and Video yet to pay for their habits, because no one would
give them a job.

We really are at a loss Uncle Brett. At first, we hoped he was going to
grow out of it, children will do such silly things just to get attention,
but he's been like this for nine years now. He hangs out with loads of
other Goths and 'Cybers', whatever they are, and everytime his friends
come over, there's enough silver and pairs of boots in the house to pay
off the mortgage. The girls all look very nice (if a bit wanton, just what
are their fathers thinking of, letting them out like that! I'd make sure
to inspect my daughters each time they came in if they dressed like that),
but why the blokes have to dress up as well, we just don't know, and we
wish he'd stop, hopefully before his Nan dies, because she's so distressed
by it all.