> >      A WOMAN'S 50 RULES FOR MEN
> >
> >      1.  Call.
> >      2.  Don't lie.
> >      3.  Never tape any of her body parts together.
> >      4.  If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
> >      5.  If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the
> >          zoo rules: No Petting.
> >      6.  The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
> >      7.  Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
> >      8.  Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.
> >      9.  Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
> >      10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
> >      11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass",
> >          and "Bitch" are bad.
> >      12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
> >      13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
> >      14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better
> >          in bed.
> >      15. Her cooking is excellent.
> >      16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
> >      17. Dish soap is your friend.
> >      18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and
> >          warm does not equal clean.
> >      19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
> >      20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never
> >          going to end that conversation.
> >      21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
> >      22. Two words: clean socks.
> >      23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when 
> you're
> >          drunk.
> >      24. Burping is not sexy.
> >      25. You're wrong.
> >      26. You're sorry.
> >      27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car 
> 
> >          than you think she is.
> >      28. Ditto for your discourse on football.
> >      29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single
> >          bound.
> >      30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
> >      31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
> >      32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
> >      33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything
> >          she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could
> >          change without notice.
> >      34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush.
> >          You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
> >      35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
> >      36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
> >      37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
> >      38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her.
> >          Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
> >      39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
> >      40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
> >      41. Always, always suck up to her brother.
> >      42. Think boxers.
> >      43. Silk boxers.
> >      44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she
> >          so-names.
> >      45. Don't try to change the way she dresses.
> >      46. Her haircut is never bad.
> >      47. Don't let your friends pick on her.
> >      (please note that the following two
> >      have been mentioned not once, but
> >      twice)
> >      48. Call.
> >      49. Don't lie.
> >      50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question.
> >          The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the
> >          waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and
> >          it balances everything out
> >
> > Okay, guys.  So the women have their little list of rules for men.  I took 
> 
> > it upon myself to create a similar list for the womenfolk.  FER GAWD'S
> SAKES
> > CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG!?!
> >
> > MEN'S 43 or so RULES FOR WOMEN
> > by Yer Uncle Tom
> >
> > 1.  It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the 
> toilet
> >     UP when you are done.
> >
> > 2.  If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include
> >     something from each of the four major male food groups:
> >     Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.
> >
> > 3.  Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.
> >
> > 4.  Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine
> >     bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins
> >    deserving your contempt.
> >
> > 5.  Shopping is not fascinating.
> >
> > 6.  When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only 
> 
> >    joking.
> >
> > 7.  Unless the answer is yes.
> >
> > 8.  In which case, can he videotape it?
> >
> > 9.  If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.
> >
> > 10. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or 
> 
> >     tending the grill.
> >
> > 11. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the 
> room
> >     is not funny.
> >
> > 12. Money does not equate love.  Not even in Nevada.
> >
> > 13. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie
> >     Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with
> >     roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their
> >     infant when it walks for the first time.
> >
> > 14. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay.  Accept it.
> >
> > 15. He heard you the first time.
> >
> > 16. You know, YOU can ask HIM out too...  Let's spread the rejection 
> around
> >     a little.
> >
> > 17. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want
> the
> >     answer to.
> >
> > 18. Of COURSE he wants another beer.
> >
> > 19. The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot.
> >
> > 20. Dogs good.  Cats bad.
> >
> > 21. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.
> >
> > 22. If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have to sit 
> through
> >     "Showgirls".
> >
> > 23. "Fine." is not an acceptible way to end an argument.
> >
> > 24. Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting he 
> 
> >     stop for directions.
> >
> > 25. He was not looking at that other girl.
> >
> > 26. Well, okay...  maybe a little.
> >
> > 27. Okay, so what!  He was looking at her.  Big deal.  Like you never
> looked
> >     at another guy...
> >
> > 28. There is nothing inherently wrong with the word "cunt".
> >
> > 29. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you
> >     have ever met.
> >
> > 30. And all your friends think so too.  Especially the cute ones.
> >
> > 31. Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine. 
> 
> >     As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good.  Stop asking.
> >
> > 32. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will NEVER fake an orgasm.
> >
> > 33. It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow
> >     with him.
> >
> > 34. Remember:  that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in 
> 
> >     the shower.
> >
> > 35. Two words:  blow job.  Learn it.  Live it.  Love it.
> >
> > 36. Dirty laundry comes in several categories:  Looks fine/smells fine,
> >     Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine.  Unless you intend to
> >     wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.
> >
> > 37. Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford  is prettier than 
> you.
> >    Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking 
> than
> >     him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these
> >     people, love the one you're with.
> >
> > 38. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them 
> all.
> >
> > 39. His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly
> >     thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.
> >
> > 40. Don't hog the covers.
> >
> > 41. Watching football is a major turn-on for you.  But please wait until
> >     the halftime show to act upon that...
> >
> > 42. He does not just want to be friends.
> >
> > 43. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence:
> >     "You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here
> >     having freaky circus sex all night?"
> >