> That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed..
> 
> Do you want to see something swell?
> 
> Hey babe....do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
> 
> Drop 'em.
> 
> What do you like for breakfast?
> 
> Is that a double ended dilldo or are you just glad to see me?
> 
> Is that a tic-tac in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
> 
> Hi there! I'm interested in having breakfast with you. Can I call you
> or nudge you?
> 
> Excuse me. Do you wanna f**k or should I apologize?
> 
> Irish : Have you got a little Irish in you?
> She:  Uh...no....
> Irish: Well, do you want some?
> 
> Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate
> and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
> 
> Say, didn't we go to different schools together?
> 
> Wanna fuck like bunnies?
> 
> Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about
> the first thing that pops up?
> 
> I had a friend who used to hand out calling cards which said:
>         Smile if you want to sleep with me
> then watch the victim try to hold back her smile...
> 
> Hi, my name's Ron, how do you like me so far?
> 
> Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us
> 
> ---------
> 
> I had a friend give a card that on the front:
>         1       2       3       4
>                 Pick a number
> 
> and then on the back of the card it read:
> 
>                 Sex maniacs always pick 3
> 
> you wouldn't believe how many women pick 3. It was a great card.
> 
> ---------
> 
> You smell wet.  Let's Party.
> 
> Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair.
> 
> Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
> 
> Would you like to dance, or should I go fuck myself again?
> 
> Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
> 
> At the office copy machine:
>   Reproducing eh?  Can I help?
> 
> Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
> 
> -----------
> 
> >From:   MAD Magazine: Classic Flops
>         Spring 1986.
> 
>         9 Very Unsuccessful Pick-up Lines:
>         ---------------------------------
>         1. "Would you like to see my boa constrictor?"
>         2. "Is that a false nose?"
>         3. "You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno."
>         4. "I'm drunk."
>         5. "Hi, my friends call me Creepy."
>         6. "Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?"
>         7. "I just threw up."
>         8. "You're ugly but you intrigue me."
>         9. "I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed
>            like that."
> 
> ------------
>      
> Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.
> 
> You look more beautiful than Nurse Chapel
> 
> Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
> 
> I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
> 
> Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `pud' and say:
>         Hey charlie, see anyone here you recognize?
> 
> I require a tissue sample.  May i sever a little-used portion of your body?
>  (brandish forceps)
> 
> Hey, wanna see my R2-D2 impersonation?
> (Think about it...)
> 
> Hey baby...infect me!
> 
> Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a bumper?!?
> 
> Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a trailer hitch?
> 
> Hey baby...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?
> 
> Hey baby...can you suck start a Harley?
> 
> Motion your finger to a girl to get her to come your way.
> When she arrives say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough
> you would c*m."
> 
> Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f**k?
>         What's the matter, don't like pizza?
> 
> I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting...
> Let's meet sometime...
>  
> I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
> 
> ---------
> 
> The front reads:
>  
> +------------------------------------+      
> |No Phone                 No Business|  
> |                                    |  
> |                                    |  
> |                                    |  
> |                                    |  
> |                                    |  
> |             No Name                |  
> |                                    |  
> |                                    |  
> |                                    |  
> |                                    |  
> |No Address                  No Money|  
> +------------------------------------+      
>  
> And the back reads:
>  
> +------------------------------------+      
> |       I'M A SILENT SEDUCER         |  
> |                                    |  
> |Any chance to crawl in the sack with|  
> |you tonight?                        |  
> |If so, just keep the card: If not,  |  
> |kindly return it because they are   |  
> |expensive.                          |  
> |                                    |
> |I'm not as good as I once was.      |
> |But I'm good once as I ever was!    |
> |                                    |
> |P.S. You don't have to say yes      |
> |                         Just Smile!|
> +------------------------------------+      
>  
> -------------
> 
> She (to passing man):  Excuse me, do you have the time?
> He: Do you have the energy?
> 
> What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?
> 
> Hey babe, Wanna get LUCKY!!!!!!
> 
> "Say mother!  Want another?" (if she has children)
> 
> Suck my dick or I'll blow your fucking head off.  [requires a gun]
> 
> No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
> 
> Will you marry me and have my children?  [unfortunate side-effects: beware!]
> 
> If you ever want to see your children again, you'll do what I want.
> 
> You're hitchhiking across the Mojave Desert?  Alone?
> 
> I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing 
> in black, did you know that? What you need now is a nice backrub.
> Are the straps too tight, darling? How tragic. How very, very tragic.
> 
> Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
> 
> Bond. James Bond.
> 
> Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.
> 
> It's absolutely pure Bolivian. And I don't *give* it away.
> 
> Nothing I can say will ease of the loss of your daughter, but rest
> assured that the Morgenstern Funeral Home will do everything possible
> to bring you peace of mind in this harrowing time.
> 
> Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me
> to pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress.
> 
> You know, I'd really love to fuck your brains out, but it appears someone
> beat me to it.
> 
> Excuse me, do you live around here often?
> 
> Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab
> home together?
> 
> Would you like to see a baby picture of me?
> (Shows the girl the picture of a baby better endowed that most men.)
> 
> Hello, Love, - Do you spit or swallow?
> 
> You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book...
> So what's one more??
> 
> Hey babe -- did you know I'm on the Harvard Mailing List?
> 
> Your place, or mine?
> 
> What's your sign?
> 
> Nice shoes.  Wanna f*ck?
> 
> Would you like to have morning coffee with me?
> 
> Excuse me, do you wanna spoon or should I apologize?
> 
> You have the ass of a great artist.
> 
> FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS:
> 1: MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE IN THE FRONT OF THE PERSON WHO YOU'RE TRYING
>    TO ATTRACT.
> 2: PUT YOUR HANDS IN A VERTICAL PLANE AND SEPERATE YOUR HANDS TO THE PROPER
>    DISTANCE YOU WANT TO GET ACROSS
> 3: LOOK AT THE PERSON OF YOUR AFFECTIONS AND WITH A SHIT EATING-EAR TO
>    EAR GRIN SHAKE YOUR HEAD UP AND DOWN AS TO REPLY THAT YOU'RE THIS
>    BIG!
> 
> There's the old classic from the movie Fletch:
> (to girl in towel):  Excuse me, could I borrow your towel? My car just
>                         hit a water buffalo. 
> 
> Your face or Mine??
> 
> Her: What do you think of this (dress, sweater, article of clothing)?
> Him: I like nothing better.
> 
> The best pickup line I witnessed was a friend of mine who walked up to
> a young lady in a club and asked "Are you ready to go home now?".  They left
> together.
> 
> Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
> 
> That's a nice dress - could I talk you out of it?
> 
> If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold _IT_ against me?
> 
> When asked for a match:
>         How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?
> 
> Take off that dress and fuck my brains out you cave newt.
> 
> Nice tits.  Mind if I feel them?
> 
> I love you.  I want to marry you.  Now fuck my brains out.
> 
> Forget that!  Playing doctor is for kids!  Let's play gynecologist.
> 
> Let's take a shower together --you smell.
> 
> I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade
> 
> Kiss me you fool, fuck me you harlot.
> 
> I've got an itch, honey.  Lower. lower. in. out.
> 
> If I was Elvis, would you screw me?
> 
> I want to thank you for [insert any event here], Grab your ankles bitch!
> 
> Wanna play carnival? That's where you sit on my face and I try to guess
> your weight.
> 
> If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me.
> 
> Want to see my stamp collection?
> 
> Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't
> floppy.
> 
> I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
> 
> I'm on fire.  Can I run through your sprinkler?
> 
> I'd look good on you.
> 
> Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?!  I thought you
> knew...
> 
> At the dinner table, (if you eat together) pickup the bread and say,
>         "Wanna roll?"
> 
> Excuse me, have I fu**ed you yet?
> 
> I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I've got more of something else.
> 
> Ever tried those wierd prickly condoms?"  (sure to get responses)
> 
> Funny you should mention that, I was a gynecologist once.
> 
> Cold out isn't it?  (staring at breasts)
> 
> Ya' know, that outfit would look great on my bedroom floor.....
> 
> "Actually, Ma'am, Ah'm not as tall as you think. Ah'm from Taixus, and Ah'm
> sittin' on mah wallet."
> 
> Hey!  Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'
> 
> I would kill or die to make love to you.
> 
> I would die happy if I saw you naked just once.
> 
> I am writing a new algorithm, and I need some test data.  What are your
> measurements?
> 
> I have some hard code I want to try your compiler on.
> 
> Top Ten Elf Pickup Lines
>  10. "I'm down here"
>   9. "Just because I've got bells on my shoes doesn't mean I'm a sissy"
>   8. "I was once a lawn ornament for John Bon Jovi"
>   7. "I can get you off the naughty list"
>   6. "I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys"
>   5. "I'm a magical being. Take off your bra."
>   4. "No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over
>       at Keebler"
>   3. "I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man"
>   2. "You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig"
>   1. "I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners"
>                 -- Late Night with David Letterman, from Michael Wertheim
> 
> Sometimes it can be helpful to start with a complement.  eg.  after
> "accidently" bumping her boobs, noticing a loose button, etc. say
>         "If they weren't sooo large it wouldn't have happened"
> 
> Sex is a killer ... so die happy!
> 
> I love every bone in your body - especially mine
> 
> "Hey... somebody farted.  Let's get out of here."
> 
> "Say, Didn't we go to different high schools at the same time?"
> 
> The most common pick-up line used in a gay bar:
>         "May I push in your stool?"
> 
> I have only three months to live (heard it in a movie ... 
> of course, this was all before AIDS)
> 
> Chicks dig me;  I wear colored underwear.
> 
> Excuse me, is it true that you're a sexual tyrannosaurus?
> 
> I'm a copilot for American Airlines.
> 
> Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
> 
> That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.
> 
> Excuse me... do you have change for a $100 bill?
> 
> Hi! Can I buy you a Car?
> 
> NOW, B*TCH!
> 
> Fancy a fuck?
> 
> My face is leaving in 15 minutes.  Be on it.
> 
> --------------
> 
> Lines by women:
> 
> -- Please may I rest my head on your shoulder?
> 
> -- Do you know how to use this? [a vibrator]
> 
> -- How about a night of passion in Doncaster?
> 
> -----------
> 
>  He:  "What was that?"
> She:  "What was what?"
>  He:  "That sound."
> She:  "I didn't hear anything."
>  He:  "It was the sound of my heart breaking."
> 
> ---------
> 
> There's always Harlan Ellison's great failure:
> 
>         Q: Wha'dya say to a little fuck?
>         A: Go away, little fuck.
> 
> -----------
> 
> How about the best response to an unwanted pickup?
> 
>     Man:  So what do you do for a living?
>     Woman:  Female impersonator.
> 
> ----------
> 
> You've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across.....
> 
> -----------end of list-------------
> Female to guy:
> 
>   Hi, you look like a real wanker.
>      (pause for effect)
> 
>   Want a break tonight?
> 
>  The guys usually spend so much time trying to convince you that they're not a
> "wanker" (that ego thingy) that in the end they are trying to pick *you* up!!!!
> 
> 
>