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100 Ways to Freak out Your Roomate...
>>
>>1.  Smoke jimson weed.  Do whatever comes naturally.
>>2.  Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
>>3.  Twitch a lot.
>>4.  Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
>>5.  Steal a fishtank.  Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it.  Talk to
>>them.
>>6.  Become a subgenius.
>>7.  Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
>>8.  Learn to levitate.  While your roommate is looking away, float up out of
>>your seat.  When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
>>9.  Speak in tongues.
>>10.  Move you roommate's personal effects around.  Start subtlely.
>>Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he
>>owns to the ceiling.
>>11.  Walk and talk backwards.
>>12.  Spend all your money on Jolt Cola.  Drink it all.  Stack the cans in
>>the middle of your room.  Number them.
>>13.  Spend all your money on Transformers.  Play with them at night.  If
>>your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more
>>than meets the eye."
>>14.  Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man,"
>>Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.
>>15.  Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on a
>>kazoo.  If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance
>>art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).
>>16.  Collect all your urine in a small jug.
>>17.  Chain yourself to your roommate's bed.  Get him/her to bring you food.
>>18.  Get a computer.  Leave it on when you are not using it.  Turn it off
>>when you are.
>>19.  Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of
>>weeks."
>>20.  Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can.  Pretend to
>>masturbate while reading them.
>>21.  Fake a heart attack.  When your roommate gets the paramedics to come,
>>pretend nothing happened.
>>22.  Eat glass.
>>23.  Smoke ballpoint pens.
>>24.  Smile.  All the time.
>>25.  Collect dog shit in baby food jars.  Sort them according to what you
>>think the dog ate.
>>26.  Burn all your waste paper while eying your roommate suspiciously.
>>27.  Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can.
>>When you get hungry, root around in the trash.  Find the food, and eat it.
>>If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he
>>reimburse you.
>>28.  Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk.  Include a list of
>>grievances.
>>29.  Paste boogers on the windows in occult patterns.
>>30.  Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and
>>then look away quickly.
>>31.  Dye all your underwear lime green.
>>32.  Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed.  Swim.
>>33.  Bye three loaves of stale bread.  Grow mold in the closet.
>>34.  Hide your ]underwear and socks in your roommate's closet.  Accuse
>>him/her of stealing it.
>>35.  Remove your door.  Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).
>>36.  Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster.  Sacrifice something nasty.
>>37.  Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up.
>>Announce that you are going to take a shower.  Do so.  Keep this up for
>>three weeks.
>>38.  Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser.
>>Refuse to discuss them.
>>39.  Paint your half of the room black.  Or paisley.
>>40.  Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with
>>"Didja ever wonder why...."  Be creative.
>>41.  Shave one eyebrow.
>>42.  Put your mattress underneath your bed.  Sleep down under there and pile
>>your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe.  If your roommate comments, mutter
>>"Gotta save space," twenty times while twitching violently.
>>43.  Put horseradish in your shoes.
>>44.  Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall.  Complain loudly
>>that you can never find the book that you want.
>>45.  Always flush the toilet three times.
>>46.  Subsist entirely on pickles for a week.  Vomit often.
>>47.  Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka," and play it at
>>least 6 hours a day.  If your roommate complains, explain that it's an
>>assignment for your primitive cultures class.
>>48.  Give him/her an allowance.
>>49.  Listen to radio static.
>>50.  Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night.  Close them
>>as soon as you wake up.
>>    50 MORE WAYS TO FREAK OUT YOUR ROOMMATE
>>51. Scratch yourself and others. Stop when you draw blood.
>>52. Play violent games with imaginary friends.
>>53. Communicate using only your eyebrows and tongue.
>>54. Ask your roommate to pose for a portrait. Leave.
>>55.  Sacrifice vegetables in the middle of the room.
>>56. Worship the professor and Marianne.
>>57. Hang your roommate in effigy.
>>58. Never allow your roommate's head to be below yours.
>>59. Pretend your arms and legs have been amputated. Insist that you
>>"cannot wipe."
>>60. Speak at length about your lust for Pippi Longstocking as your
>>roommate tries to fall asleep.
>>61. Sit in the room all weekend rubbing a baseball bat. When your roommate
>>enters the room, close your eyes and rub as fast as you can.
>>62. Complain vehemently that pedophilia legislation is 'too restrictive.'
>>63. Find out your roommate's mother's name. Tatoo it on your inner thigh,
>>then claim 'She made me do it!'
>>64. When your roommate has been awake for several minutes, run up to
>>him/her screaming 'Rashes! Rashes!' as loud as you can. Repeat during
>>classes.
>>65. Light your hair on fire. Refuse to put it out.
>>66. Keep a harem of thirty Cabbage Patch KidsT. Ask if your roommate 'has
>>any desires.'
>>67. While your roommate sleeps, insert straws into his/her nose. If s/he
>>removes them, administer CPR.
>>68. Repeat everything your roommate says, but without the consonants.
>>69. When your roommate enters the room, chain yourself to the bed and make
>>beckoning gestures. Look demure.
>>70. Go through his/her books hilighting all instances of the words 'death'
>>and 'children.' Insist that he study them.
>>71. Go through medical supply catalogs circling all electric drill and
>>suction devices. Leave them (the catalogs, not the devices) lying around.
>>72. Administer last rites as s/he sleeps.
>>73. Quote Bob Barker at length.
>>74. Wear decoder rings. Insist that s/he kiss them.
>>75. Wear a hard hat at all times. Remove it when your roommate enters the
>>room and dive under the bed.
>>76. Pretend to administer electro-schock therapy as s/he studies.
>>77. Whenever s/he has friends over, complain loudly about his/her hygiene.
>>Be graphic.
>>78. Paint targets on the back of all his/her shirts. Buy a crossbow.
>>79. When you write, use the wrong end of the pen. Ask him/her why it
>>doesn't work.
>>80. Remove the shelves from the refrigerator. Sit inside, moaning 
periodically.
>>81. Leave urgent telephone messages for him/her when no-one has called.
>>82. Give unsolicited sensual massage at least once daily.
>>83. Go for joy-rides in the washing machine.
>>84. Pack your roommate's clothing in ice overnight. Put it back in the
>>dresser before s/he wakes up.
>>85. Carry a crowbar with you at all times. Dress it.
>>86. Do all your homework in the bathroom, using the toilet as a desk.
>>87. Carry an electric fan at all times. Speak into it.
>>88. Follow your roommate around all day whispering "I can reach where you
>>can't."
>>89. Write on your arms and legs with coarse sandpaper.
>>90. Nail meat to the walls. Bacon is best.
>>91. Try to eat your own ear.
>>92. Lie spread-eagled on your roommate's bed. Make him/her move you.
>>93. Chase your roommate with a bloody toothbrush. Tell him/her "It only
>>hurts for a little while."
>>94. Lick his/her feet as he sleeps. If s/he wakes up, apologize. After
>>s/he falls asleep, start licking his/her face.
>>95. Call him/her Mommy.
>>96. Collect cow tongues. Paint them. Nail them up next to the bacon.
>>97. Invite your roommate's parents to a 'surprise' party for your
>>roommate. When they get there, stone them.
>>98. Buy a gerbil. Go into your room and close the door. Hide the gerbil in
>>the closet, and then giggle and squirm uncontrollably for the rest of the
>>day.
>>99. Put tapes/CDs in the stereo and listen to them with the volume off.
>>Replace them regularly. Tell your roommate to be quiet so you can hear.
>>100. Stand behind him/her while he brushes his teeth. When s/he takes the
>>brush out of his/her mouth, force it back in.
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