>101 things NOT to say during sex
>
>1. But everybody looks funny naked!
>2. You woke me up for that?
>3. Did I mention the video camera?
>4. Do you smell something burning?
>5. (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
>6. Try breathing through your nose.
>7. A little rug burn ever hurt anyone!
>8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
>9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
>10. But whipped cream makes me break out.
>11. Person 1: This is your first time..right?
>    Person 2: Yeah.. today
>12. (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
>13. Can you please pass me the remote control?
>14. Do you accept Visa?
>15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
>16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
>17. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!
>18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.
>19. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
>20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
>21. (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
>22. Do you get any premium movie channels?
>23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
>24. (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned this
>     couch!
>25. Got any penicillin?
>26. But I just brushed my teeth...
>27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera!
>28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
>29. I want a baby!
>30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
>31. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
>32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...
>33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
>34. I think you have it on backwards.
>35. When is this supposed to feel good?
>36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
>37. You're good enough to do this for a living!
>38. Is that blood on the headboard?
>39. Did I remember to take my pill?
>40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
>41. I wish we got the Playboy channel...
>42. That leak better be from the waterbed!
>43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
>44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..
>45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
>46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance..
>47. No, really... I do this part better myself!
>48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
>49. This would be more fun with a few more people..
>50. You're almost as good as my ex! 
>51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
>52. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
>53. You look younger than you feel.
>54. Perhaps you're just out of practice.
>55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
>56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.
>57. Now I know why he/she dumped you...
>58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
>59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
>60. What tampon?
>61. Have you ever considered liposuction?
>62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
>63. What are you planning to make for breakfast?
>64. I have a confession...
>65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
>66. Are those real or am I just behind the times?
>67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
>68. Is that a hanging sculpture?
>69. You'll stil vote for me, won't you?
>70. Did I mention my transsexual operation?
>71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
>72. Did you come yet, dear?
>73. I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're>
>    fantasizing about...
>74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
>75. Does this count as a date?
>76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
>77. Hic! I need another beer for this please.
>78. I think biting is romantic- don't you?
>79. Q: You can cook, too right?
>    A: (Whaddaya think I'm doin'?)
>80. When would you like to meet my parents?
>81. Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like...
>    Woman: Yourself?
>82. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?
>83. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names.
>84. Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed.
>85. (in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?
>86. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?
>87. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.
>88. Sorry but I don't do toes!
>89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!
>90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!
>91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...
>92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer".
>93. So that's why they call you MR. Flash!
>94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
>95. Is this a sin too?
>96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!
>97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?
>98. Long kisses clog my sinuses...
>99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...
>100. How long do you plan to be "almost there"?
>101. You mean you're NOT my blind date?